Self-esteem is how a person perceives themselves, their capabilities and abilities, and the value or worth that they attach thereto. Self-esteem is sometimes used interchangeably with other words including, self-worth, self-confidence, and self-respect.
We are constantly trying to understand and define ourselves outside of and separate from how other people perceive us. The type of self-esteem you have as a person is shaped by the beliefs and opinions that you have of yourself. You might be interested in knowing what influences or determines the type of self-esteem a person has so we will briefly discuss some of these factors below.
What Determines a Person’s Self-Esteem?
Genetics– Many scientists agree that a person’s social behavior is, to an extent, influenced by their genes. What this means is that a person’s genetics also plays a role in influencing the type of self-esteem that a person has.
Life experiences-A person’s inner self is largely and subconsciously influenced by the different interactions and experiences that they have early in their life. If these early life experiences are frequent enough to form a pattern, a person may internalize them until they subconsciously embrace them as a part of who they are. Once they have embraced those things, their inner voice tends to repeat them over and over until they crystalize into the beliefs and opinions that such a person has of themselves.
Social factors– If you tend to compare yourself to other people, this may also affect your self-esteem. Your social standing and how other people generally react to your presence in different spaces also play a part in a person’s self-esteem.
Types of Self-esteem
There are generally three broad types of self-esteem that a person can have, and these are:
Low self-esteem– A person with low self-esteem does not think very highly of themselves and has no confidence in their abilities and capabilities, always thinking they are incapable or unworthy of doing certain things because they feel inadequate. Some of the signs and symptoms of low self-esteem include the following:
- Avoidance of social gatherings and events because you fear engaging in conversations where you might have to speak about yourself
- A tendency to people please and the inability to set personal boundaries when they are needed at the expense of one’s own needs
- Harboring general feelings of inadequacy even when you have achieved something
- An inability to take any type of criticism from others including constructive criticism and sometimes lashing out at those who criticize you because you see it as an attack or a reinforcement of the negative opinions you have of yourself
- Mental issues like depression or anxiety
- Eating disorders
- Alcohol and substance abuse
High Self-Esteem– A person with high self-esteem is confident about who they are as a person, and they embrace and love themselves including their shortcomings. They are not afraid of expressing themselves. Some of the signs and symptoms of high self-esteem include the following:
- Assertiveness when sharing your ideas, thoughts, and opinions which are based on certain beliefs, values, or principles
- Read acceptance of constructive criticism, taking it as an opportunity for self-growth.
- Resilience and willingness to learn from failure and setbacks
- Sociable with the ability to interact with people with different personalities and different social standing
- Self-love and being content with where they are in life without feeling the urge to compare oneself with others
- Ability to make choices and decisions (including risky ones) without second-guessing yourself at every turn
Inflated self-esteem– A person with inflated self-esteem tends to think too highly of themselves, often believing themselves to be better than everyone else around them. Some signs and symptoms of someone with inflated self-esteem include the following:
- An exaggerated sense of self-importance
- Arrogance and constant bragging about one’s achievements and abilities
- Seeking and expecting praise and validation from others
- Always disregarding other people’s ideas and opinions
- Lack of empathy
Tips for Building Self-Esteem
From the discussion above, both low and inflated self-esteem are negative and problematic. People should strive to have high self-esteem because it helps them thrive and helps build healthy relationships with others in different spheres and environments. Here are some ideas on how you can have a healthy high esteem:
The first step towards cultivating healthy self-esteem is accepting that your worth as a person is not determined by things like money, academic qualifications, physical appearance, etc. Every person is worthy just by being a human being. What this means is that all people are and must be equal in dignity regardless of their social standing.
If you are aware of your worth as a person, you will love and value yourself and will not allow anyone or any situation to make you feel any less of a person. You will be able to say no and establish boundaries with people and ensure that your needs are also met because they matter as well.
If you don’t feel confident, identify something that you are good at or have the potential to be good at by focusing on working hard at that thing until you improve. This can help to give you a sense of purpose and something that you can pat yourself on the back for, and this will help boost your levels of confidence.
Resist the urge to compare yourself with others around you. Contrary to what your inner voice might be telling you, no one has everything figured out and everyone has issues that they struggle with at different points in their life. Instead of looking at someone who seemingly has things all figured out enviously, look at them as an inspiration that if they could achieve certain things. You too can work hard and achieve the goals that you set for yourself.
When setting goals for yourself, be realistic about your environment and the resources at your disposal, and always celebrate each victory no matter how small it may seem because this shows growth and improvement.
Do not look and failure and setbacks as the end of the world because although it may feel like it, it is not. If you hear stories of many successful people, you will realize that they failed multiple times before finally making it big. Instead of letting the failures define them they were resilient and learned from those failures and came up with alternative ideas.
Turn to the Bible and you will realize that many Bible verses can be used to explore the topic of building self-esteem. We will use one example from Philippians which says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13, NIV) These are extremely powerful words because the Bible doesn’t say, I can do some things but it says all things.
Regardless of what your inner voice may be whispering to you day and night, as a Christian, you need to shift your mindset. It is important to understand that what you can or cannot do, is not just determined, or limited by your abilities or capabilities but rather through strength drawn from Jesus Christ. Instead of listening to your voice which tells you, you can’t ask God, in the name of Jesus Christ, to give you the strength and the wisdom that you need to accomplish whatever that may be before you.
We Can Help You
Building self-esteem is not a one-time event, it is a process. If you are dealing with self-esteem issues and you need some help as you walk the journey of building your self-esteem, please reach out to us and we will get you the help that you need. We have therapists and counselors that are qualified to walk the journey of self-discovery and self-love with you. Call us today.
“Green Grass “, Courtesy of Unsplash, Unsplash.com, CC0 License
