Empathy Explained: Why It Matters and How to Cultivate It

There is nothing as comforting as knowing that you are being understood or seen in a conversation or interaction. The ability for others to share or perceive our emotions is called empathy.

It is fair to say that empathy is an integral part of our interactions that allows us to connect deeply with others and respond with compassion. Without empathy, one would not know how to respond in conversations or how to hold the space for someone going through a difficult time.

Different types of empathy

People can experience empathy in different ways. Consider the following list:

Cognitive empathy

This is the ability to understand how someone else might be feeling because of what they are faced with. It is purely intellectual and does not involve sharing in the other person’s emotions. In this instance, you can imagine what the situation is, and understand their perspective and responses without necessarily feeling the same way.

Cognitive empathy is mostly used in professional settings where one needs to grasp other people’s experiences and validate all those experiences without being biased or emotionally swayed. Mostly used by leaders, managers, marketing, and human resource departments of organizations.

Affective empathy

Also called emotional empathy. This type of empathy involves sharing in the emotions of another, feeling what they might be feeling. Seeing others experience certain emotions can trigger those same emotions in us. An example would be crying with a mother that has just lost a child.

Even if you have never lost a child, you can share in that emotion and can start crying yourself. This shared emotional experience can be comforting to those going through difficult times as it validates their own experience and promotes a shared sense of humanity.

Somatic empathy

This is when you have a physical reaction to what someone else is experiencing. An example can be how you would start feeling dizzy by watching someone twirl or start to blush and turn red when you see someone doing something embarrassing.

Compassionate empathy

This type of empathy is said to combine both the aspects of cognitive and emotional empathy and then go a step further by offering to be of assistance.

After understanding the situation at hand and possibly sharing the emotions of that situation, people with compassionate empathy are driven by a sense of responsibility for making things better and will take action. This is especially true for those in the helping professions like social workers, health professionals, first responders, or Pastors.

Empathy for happy moments

Most times when people talk of empathy it is meant in the sense of understanding people going through challenging situations. It is however important to know that empathy can be equally as important when people are happy and need someone to share in their joy.

This means that as much as it is important to share in people’s feelings and moments of distress, it is also important to share in the happy moments as well. Below are a few examples of how empathy can be applied to positive emotions or situations:

Celebrating the achievements of others

Being able to be genuinely proud and excited about the achievements of those around us is a key and vital ingredient in creating and sustaining supporting relationships.

When someone is celebrated for their achievements, they are in a sense permitted to be proud of themselves as well and fight against imposter syndrome. It will also mean that after seeing how valuable it was for them, they are most likely to be the ones celebrating the achievements of others in their circles.

Sharing in someone’s joy and happiness

Whatever it is that brings joy and happiness to someone, having people share in that moment with you makes it all the richer. An example could be when someone announces that they are expecting a baby. Sending congratulatory messages, arranging or attending their baby shower, or telling them how happy you are for them goes a long way in solidifying friendships and family relationships.

Offering praise and recognition

Whether done in private or publicly, offering recognition for someone’s contributions or a job well done boosts people’s self-esteem and they feel seen and appreciated. If it is a workplace environment, employees feel a sense of pride in their work and hence will perform better.

How do we develop empathy?

Looking at our human race, it is often asked how it is that some people are empathetic and some people are not. Is it a trait we are born with or something we develop as we grow? Empathy is a complex trait, and some people are indeed born with a greater capacity for it, but how much of it is supported or encouraged by the environment they grow in?

No matter its origins for different individuals, it is important to note that like many other aspects of human behavior, it can be learned and practiced. Below are just a few suggestions:

Be open-minded

Being open-minded is standing with the belief that you are not always right and there are different perspectives in this world. Though you might not agree with those perspectives, being open-minded means you can listen and reserve judgment or opinion about people’s situations and feelings.

An important fact about open-mindedness is that it uses a lot of cognitive empathy. You can understand a person’s perspectives and hence understand their emotions and reactions, even if you don’t agree with their stance.

Be an avid reader

Neil Gaiman is quoted to have said, “Fiction gives us empathy: it puts us inside the minds of other people, gives us the gift of seeing the world through their eyes. Fiction is a lie that tells us true things over and over.” If you want to know more about a group of people, take time to read books, whether fiction or biographies of people from those groups.

Men can benefit from reading about women’s experiences and vice versa. We get to understand each other’s world and hence create more cohesion than division, simply from a place of understanding. This allows us to communicate the message, “You are not alone.”

Avoid dehumanization of others

Dehumanization is a tactic used by political powers or governments toward people who are different or behave differently from what is considered normal. The moment you dehumanize a person, you cannot feel empathy for them, nor can you afford them a different perspective.

If those creep into society, certain groups of people will always be victims of hate crimes and discrimination. It is also important to note you can dehumanize family members due to differing views or certain life choices and this can kill relationships.

Avoid cognitive dissonance

Simply put this is the tendency we have to explain away our shortcomings on situational or external factors, but if someone does the same thing we view it as a result of their flawed character. This prejudice does not allow people to fail and learn from their mistakes as they are held to an impossible standard.

Practice self-awareness

When you are in touch with your feelings, perceptions, prejudices, and emotions you are more likely to allow others a safe space to experience their own. This is when real change can happen; when we get in touch with ourselves and change those aspects that need to be changed, and grow those that need to be grown.

Brené Brown, a renowned researcher and author who has dedicated much of her career to understanding human connection, focusing on topics such as vulnerability, shame, courage and empathy distinguishes the difference between sympathy and empathy. She explains, “Empathy fuels connection. Sympathy drives disconnection.”

Empathy requires us to reflect and recall feelings that are uncomfortable, such as frustration, nervousness, or confusion, and use that understanding to relate to another person’s perspective and feelings even if they might not be the same ones you’d have if you were in their place.

Why is empathy important?

The benefits of a more empathetic society cannot be understated. Below are a few ways in which being empathetic can benefit individuals and society as a whole:

• Greater social cohesion as people seek to understand each other and behave kindly toward others.
• Decreased cases of prejudice and discrimination.
• Stronger relationships whether at church, work, or home.
• Improved leadership and management skills.
• Trauma Informed Care for helping professions becomes widely practiced to reduce cases of traumatization.
• Improved parenting and childcare services.
• Enhances communication and conflict resolution abilities.

We can help

If you want to learn more about empathy and how to connect with those around you, reach out to our offices and we can help you find a counselor. They are there for you to guide you through understanding your emotions and those of others.