Premarital Counseling: Planning For Marriage Beyond Your Wedding Day

Are you making plans to get married and wondering whether premarital counseling is something you should include in your plans? Do you question in what way it can benefit your relationship, or whether or not it’s worth the cost and effort? If so, read on. Hopefully, this article will provide the answers you are looking for.

What exactly is premarital counseling?

Premarital counseling is more than just a pre-wedding formality. It is a unique program designed to prepare you for a healthy, resilient marriage by helping you build a strong foundation to undergird the relationship you are about to embark on.

Typically provided by licensed marriage counselors or religious leaders who act as counselors, premarital counseling offers a safe, supportive, impartial space in which you and your intended can gain a deeper understanding of each other, your views of marriage, and whether or not your values and expectations are on the same page.

Your counselor will ask probing questions and guide you in deep conversations about aspects of married life that include sensitive topics you might typically shy away from or not have thought to bring up when you were dating, help you identify potential areas of conflict, and equip you with effective communication and conflict resolution skills to enable you to navigate them in a healthy way that reduces their impact should they come up.

Why Premarital Counseling Should Be Part of Your Wedding Planning

The decision to get married is a big commitment. As you start preparing for it, you may have a romanticized image of married life that can cloud your vision of the future. A fulfilling marriage, however, is about more than just romance.

It involves a lifelong pledge of companionship, understanding, and support, which requires effort and compromise. This is why premarital counseling is an important investment in your future that should be part of your wedding planning.

Your wedding day is only one day, whereas marriage is the forever after that follows it. It needs to be planned for just as carefully. Studies have shown that couples who go through premarital counseling are up to 70 percent more likely to remain married and to enjoy a stable, fulfilling, and resilient marriage than are those who do not.

Premarital counseling enables you to enter into your marriage covenant with open eyes. It starts you out on the right foot by clearing up any misconceptions you may have about marriage, helping you develop more realistic expectations, preparing you for the ups and downs of everyday life, and equipping you with the necessary skills for long-term success and a strong, healthy union.

You will learn new things about each other, and even yourself, gain insight into your compatibility and whether or not you are on the same page concerning important issues, identify potential areas of conflict before they have a chance to cause problems down the road, and learn how to address them if they do.

Counseling can help protect you from surprises, misunderstandings, or feeling blindsided after you tie the knot, and help you determine beforehand whether or not marriage is a good fit, and if you should move forward with your plans.

Common Topics Addressed in Premarital Counseling

The following are some areas commonly addressed in premarital counseling that can influence the dynamics of your marriage relationship and lead to stress, anxiety, and uncertainty if you are not on the same page. Identifying and addressing potential issues beforehand can prepare you to successfully navigate conflicts that arise and reduce their impact.

Roles and responsibilities Discussing your expectations of what each other’s roles and responsibilities in the marriage should be, instead of just making assumptions about how things will play out, enables you to see if they are realistic and whether or not your values are aligned.

It also brings potential areas of conflict to light so they can be addressed and prevent misunderstandings down the road by ensuring that you are both on the same page and have a clear understanding of what part you each will play.

Communication and conflict resolution Effective communication is the linchpin that holds relationships together and allows for understanding, empathy, compassion, and growth. It enables you to manage disagreements and resolve conflicts in a healthy, constructive way that fosters deeper connection and strengthens emotional connection.

Your counselor will help you identify your individual communication and conflict styles, understand and address any existing barriers that could lead to potential misunderstandings or misinterpretations, and help you establish effective patterns of communication.

Methods such as active listening, expressing your needs clearly and nonconfrontationally, navigating difficult conversations calmly without creating additional friction, and negotiating differences respectfully and empathetically in a way that promotes a willingness to compromise and find solutions to potential problems jointly as a team can be learned as a part of premarital counseling, as well.

Finances Financial issues are a frequent source of conflict in marriages, as well as one of the leading causes of divorce. Having an open, honest conversation about money and laying all cards on the table up front helps you establish a shared financial plan that fosters financial stability, ensures your goals, priorities, and values are aligned, minimizes disagreements, and prevents past financial blunders from becoming sources of heartache, resentment, or conflict later on.

Questions addressed include whether either of you are bringing debt into the marriage and how that debt will be paid off; how much you have in savings; whether you have a budget; how money will be handled and purchase decisions made; whether you plan to have separate or joint accounts; and what your individual savings and spending habits are.

Children and parenting Discussing children and parenting styles ahead of time ensures you are on the same page and allows you to align your goals and expectations if you are not, rather than make assumptions that could lead to future conflict and resentment.

Questions include issues such as whether or not you both want children; if you do, how many and when; what if one of you changes his or her mind; are you open to adoption if infertility is an issue; how will you raise your children; and what are your preferred approaches to discipline.

Cultural considerations and family dynamics Understanding each other’s family backgrounds, values, traditions, and expectations can help you anticipate potential conflicts with in-laws, establish boundaries, and develop strategies to manage these relationships in a respectful way that promotes harmony.

For instance, how will you share holidays and special occasions with your in-laws; if you and your intended come from different cultures or religions, how will these differences be integrated into your married life; and how will it affect the way your children are brought up, or which faith you will raise your children in.

Career aspirations and lifestyle choices Discussing plans and aspirations for the future, such as where you will live, career changes that could involve relocation, lifestyle choices such as your need for personal space and your expectations of commitment and fidelity within your relationship, and the role of friends and community involvement in your marriage is critical.

This can help you align your visions of the future by enabling you to identify areas of agreement and disagreement, have a clear understanding of what each other’s expectations are, and work together to create a shared plan that is mutually agreeable.

Key Benefits of Premarital Counseling

• It opens the door of communication and reveals sides of both you and your intended’s personality that you may not have been aware of.
• It provides a deeper understanding of each other’s expectations and values, insight into each other’s perspectives, and an opportunity to address potential issues.
• It helps you and your intended set realistic expectations, understand and respect your differences, and work through or compromise on areas of conflict so you can build a shared vision for the future.
• It gives you a chance to determine, before you say, “I do,” whether you and your intended could maintain an enduring marriage relationship, or whether your differences are deal breakers that impact your decision to go forward with the marriage.

If you have questions or are interested in setting up a risk-free appointment to meet with one of the counselors at our location, please give us a call.