Chris Lewis

Part 2 in a series on the neuroscience of surprise and the weight of wonder. This series explores how raising children up is really the work of growing adults down: grounding and embodying the Self in relationship, integrating the brain and coming out of hiding. My 4-year-old is hardwired for surprise. This might not be apparent in her favorite game: hide-and-seek. Because when Taliah was younger, especially, these games ended almost before they began. Often the seeker, eyes closed

Part 1 in a series on the neuroscience of surprise and the weight of wonder. This series explores how raising children up is really the work of growing adults down: grounding and embodying the Self in relationship, integrating the brain, and coming out of hiding. The Splendid Splinter My young daughter’s blonde head, bellowing with sunbeams fresh from the back porch, bobs its way through the kitchen door. On this cool spring morning in Seattle, it’s hard to know

Endings and Leavings | Part 9 of a 9-part series on the deeper Self that awakens in laboring through grief, living through loss, and embracing endings as the seedbed of new beginnings. The first eight articles in this series sought to explore endings as a reflection of the mystery and complexity that both nuances and nurtures our humanity. That grief can pull us into the gray, and defy words, doesn’t mean that it lacks definition. At times grief work

Endings and Leavings | Part 7 of a 9-part series on the deeper Self that awakens in laboring through grief, living through loss, and embracing endings as the seedbed of new beginnings. In 6th-century Ireland, a Celtic abbot named “Brendan the Navigator” was known for voyaging with his band of monks into the wild, watery wasteland of the Atlantic Ocean … and instructing them to throw their oars overboard. It was considered an act of trust and devotion: to

Endings and Leavings | Part 6 of an 8-part series on the deeper Self that awakens in laboring through grief, living through loss, and embracing endings as the seedbed of new beginnings. “Fear of breakdown is the fear of a breakdown that has already [happened].” (Donald Winnicott) Our fear of endings can be traced to our very beginnings. Birth itself is already a traumatic ending – leaving the warmth and severed security of the womb. The skilled midwife who so artfully

The Art and Artifacts of Grieving Endings and Leavings | Part 5 of an 8-part series on the deeper Self that awakens in laboring through grief, living through loss, and embracing endings as the seedbed of new beginnings Grieving is not simply a process to follow or a season to passively endure. It is not something that merely happens to you. Grieving is a creative act that eventually inspires change and renewal, as we work to heal the traumatic endings

Endings and Leavings | Part 4 of an 8-part series on the deeper Self that awakens in laboring through grief, living through loss, and embracing endings as the seedbed of new beginnings Psychologist and author Sheldon Cashdan notes that, as adults, we unconsciously attempt to manage and hold onto relationships in ways that “reverse the bad endings” of early childhood. However, our reversal efforts usually resist the deeper grief process. We cannot see or trust that endings come bearing

Endings and Leavings | Part 3 of a 8-part series on the deeper Self that awakens in laboring through grief, living through loss, and embracing endings as the seedbed of new beginnings. All good stories come to an end. What makes the story “good,” however, is not the saccharine, happily-ever-after ending. The Disney ending is different than the “denouement” of a truly good ending. This old French word denouement, literally untying or “loosening,” is how Christian author and psychologist

Endings and Leavings | Part 2 of a 8-part series on the deeper Self that awakens in laboring through grief, living through loss, and embracing endings as the seedbed of new beginnings. “The past is never dead. It’s not even past.”  (William Faulkner) Perhaps the most confusing part of “endings” is how they can leave us feeling both stuck and uprooted – often at the same time. It is the earthquake-like nature of many endings, which are often complicated

Part 1 of a 8-part series on the deeper Self that awakens in laboring through grief, living through loss, and embracing endings as the seedbed of new beginnings. The following articles will be published at a later date. Part 2:  Unresolved Grief, Liminal Loss and Memory: Relocating the Past Instead of Re-living It Part 3: Coping With Grief and ‘Coming Home’: Bearing Loss, Beautifying Scars Part 4: How We Sabotage the Grief Process: the Call to Grieve, Celebrate and

Part 4 of a 4-Part Series: Porn and Power The first three parts of this series made some key observations about pornography: Healing requires more than cognitive (changing thoughts) or behavioral (changing lifestyle) approaches, although both are important. A man’s sexuality and shame are deeply rooted in narrative, in long-buried stories of emasculating loss that drive men to seek relief and power in porn’s degrading “pseudo-story.” The pseudo-connection and risk-free predictability of pornography promises to override a man’s fear of

Porn and Power: A Christian Counselor Explains Part 3 of a 4-Part Series  I’ve positioned the solution-oriented parts of this series (Parts 3 and 4) at the end – on purpose. Because waiting, and holding the tension of waiting, is critical to healing soul, body, and brain. Many guys are already prone to a quick “fix-it” persona that conveniently bypasses the need for a deeper, more disciplined attentiveness to their inner life, to the emotional core Self. As men,