Why Premarital Counseling is for Every Engaged Couple

Premarital counseling is for every engaged couple. That is a simple, but all-encompassing statement. There are many reasons why couples don’t sign up for premarital counseling. Some couples say that they don’t need counseling because they have been together for years, have lived together, or have already talked about all their issues.

However, a therapist who has counseled many engaged and married couples, would tell you from experience that premarital counseling, even for those who have been in a long-term relationship, is invaluable.

Why Premarital Counseling is Important

When a couple gets engaged, they spend a lot of time preparing for the wedding. They are careful to choose the right venue and painstakingly scrutinize every detail. Unfortunately, many couples spend more time preparing for their wedding day than their marriage.

Premarital counseling helps couples sort out their complex emotions, guides them through the blending of families and traditions, and gives them a firm foundation on which to build a beautiful life. However, the primary reason that premarital counseling is important is that it gives couples deliberate time and an unbiased, professionally trained, third party to dig deep into their own lives and the heart of the relationship.

The choice to get married is one of the most important one you’ll ever make. It shouldn’t be taken lightly or without introspective study, sound unbiased advice, and a God stamp of approval. Premarital counseling gives couples that dedicated time to ask important questions of themselves and each other, and even of God.

It provides a safe space where each partner can unpack their deepest and most coveted worries or secrets. Your therapist can provide an outside opinion that is unbiased and fair. If you choose a Christian therapist, you can pray together with your therapist and partner for wisdom, direction, and discernment.

When to Seek Counseling

Counseling is beneficial for everyone. It’s also never too early to seek counseling. A couple is more than just the sum of its two halves. It takes two whole people to create a strong marriage. While it might not be practical to start premarital counseling until the topic of marriage has been discussed with your partner, it is wise to start individual counseling prior to involving your partner in a joint therapy venture.

In individual therapy you can explore your own personal challenges, trials, and victories more in-depth. You can set realistic, obtainable goals that will make your life healthier, more peaceful, and productive. This can set the perfect stage for introducing marriage into your already healthy life.

Topics to Explore in Premarital Counseling

Your therapist will help guide you down a healthy path to marriage. They will introduce topics that are important but may be difficult to discuss without a little nudge. These topics might include:

• Love language styles and how to give and receive love in your own unique ways.
• Sexual expectations and how they relate to the Bible.
• Family and cultural traditions and how to seamlessly blend them together.
• Extended family and boundaries.
• Financial goals and achievable steps.
• Family planning and blending of stepchildren.
• Career goals and the process of reaching them.
• How to divide household chores and responsibilities.
• Communication styles and how to improve them.
• Other practical and sensitive topics that are unique to your relationship.

Blending lives is much more than just doing life together. With the spiritual, physical, and financial bonds of marriage come unique circumstances and challenges that need to be met. Through premarital counseling, you can both address and overcome many of the hurdles that come in the first few years of marriage before they can plant seeds of resentment or animosity in your relationship.

Preparing for Premarital Counseling in Seattle

There is a lot you can do to prepare for your premarital counseling sessions. By preparing together with your partner, you can get the most out of each session and start your marriage on a firm foundation. Here are some ways you can get yourselves ready:

Identify your biggest challenges Most couples know their weak areas and biggest challenges but may have difficulty discussing them with each other. Be open about the areas of your lives and relationship that may pose difficulties in your future marriage. Be prepared to discuss these issues during your therapy sessions with true transparency and authenticity.

Practice open communication Try to get into the habit of expressing your thoughts and feelings and needs openly and respectfully to your partner on a regular basis. If you practice this prior to counseling, it can make your therapy sessions more productive and frankly, more comfortable.

Prepare questions Generate a list of questions you would like to ask each other in the presence of your counselor. Some of the most important questions are the difficult ones. It’s also wise to create a list of questions together as a couple that you can pose to your counselor. Having questions ready before your session will help you address key concerns and ensure that these important issues aren’t forgotten.

Be vulnerable Prepare yourself to be vulnerable in the presence of your partner and counselor. Counseling works best when both partners are willing to be vulnerable and open. Be prepared to listen to your partner’s viewpoints and be open to learning about their sensitive topics and deepest fears. Likewise, be prepared to consider the opinions of your therapist, even if they may not be flattering to you.

Think about your history Your upbringing and your romantic relationship history do play a factor in how you will navigate your marriage. Think about how your parents acted toward each other and how your previous romantic relationships have played out. This will give you a better understanding of how and why you think and feel the way you do about romantic relationships and marriage.

Identify your non-negotiables Even the most successful couples don’t see eye-to-eye on every topic. It’s important that you identify the areas of your future life that are most important to you and the areas in which you are willing to compromise.

For example, maybe staying near your hometown and family is incredibly important to you but you would be willing to compromise on whose family you spend the holidays with. Identify where you are willing to compromise and where you want to stand firm regarding your future married life.

Orient the process toward God Having a Christian premarital counselor is a necessity for couples of Christian faith. While secular counselors may be able to help you through many of the practical steps of becoming a married couple, they often fail to address the spiritual aspects. If Jesus is at the center of your life, He should also be invited into the center of your relationship.

God, in His infinite wisdom and mercy, will give you strength, guidance, and wisdom as you progress through the process of getting married. You just have to simply invite Him into your world. When you find a therapist who is professionally trained and who also seeks help from God, you’re assembling a winning team.

Preparing for the Journey of Marriage

No matter how much you prepare for marriage, you will still encounter a few surprises along the way. Even premarital counseling cannot fully prepare you for everything that you will encounter. It will, however, equip you with skills to better face any and all challenges. If you invite God into the heart of your relationship, you will have the power of the Creator, guiding and protecting you and your spouse to success.

Premarital Counseling in Seattle

If you are ready to begin premarital counseling, contact our office today. We will connect you and your spouse to a qualified Christian marriage counselor in Seattle for you to begin your journey toward a healthy marriage.