Kate Motaung

Amongst the laundry list of pre-wedding “To-Dos” someone, somewhere along the way may have mentioned “premarital counseling.” However, if you are like many couples, premarital counseling may seem to be a rather ambiguous activity. Often couples ask me: “So, what do we do here? How does this work?” These are understandable questions and in this article, I address what this process is and how your relationship can benefit from it. Education for Marriage Premarital counseling essentially provides couples with

Endings and Leavings | Part 7 of a 9-part series on the deeper Self that awakens in laboring through grief, living through loss, and embracing endings as the seedbed of new beginnings. In 6th-century Ireland, a Celtic abbot named “Brendan the Navigator” was known for voyaging with his band of monks into the wild, watery wasteland of the Atlantic Ocean … and instructing them to throw their oars overboard. It was considered an act of trust and devotion: to

Boundaries define us. They show what is me and what is not me. We are responsible to others, and we are responsible for ourselves. Boundaries are not walls, but are rather like fences with gates that we can open or close. They can help us to keep the good in and the bad out. But some trauma victims are keeping the bad in and good out because the world outside their “fence” seems untrustworthy – and for them, it

One of the biggest concerns that I hear from families is how they should deal with members of their families who struggle with mental health issues. This could include someone with schizophrenia, bipolar, or other mental illnesses. Or a family member might struggle with chemical dependency that alters their mental health and severely affects their behavior. How Do You Deal with a Mentally Ill Family Member? I usually speak with the family about what their role is and how

Endings and Leavings | Part 6 of an 8-part series on the deeper Self that awakens in laboring through grief, living through loss, and embracing endings as the seedbed of new beginnings. “Fear of breakdown is the fear of a breakdown that has already [happened].” (Donald Winnicott) Our fear of endings can be traced to our very beginnings. Birth itself is already a traumatic ending – leaving the warmth and severed security of the womb. The skilled midwife who so artfully

The Art and Artifacts of Grieving Endings and Leavings | Part 5 of an 8-part series on the deeper Self that awakens in laboring through grief, living through loss, and embracing endings as the seedbed of new beginnings Grieving is not simply a process to follow or a season to passively endure. It is not something that merely happens to you. Grieving is a creative act that eventually inspires change and renewal, as we work to heal the traumatic endings

Part 2 of a 2-Part Series In my previous article in this two-part series, I suggested that anger is like a fire alarm that alerts us to problems that we need to address and explore. However, people who struggle with anger issues also need to manage their anger. In this article, I show that how we think can have a big impact on anger management. Changing How We Think of Anger In his book Nonviolent Communication, Marshall Rosenberg argues

Do you feel disconnected from your partner? Are you looking for a way to become more intimate? Researchers tell us that simply gazing into our partner’s eyes can lead to enhanced feelings of togetherness, without even speaking a word. You have heard before that, “The eyes are the window to the soul.” Well, today neuroscience is catching up to the ancient words of the poets and philosophers of old. And the results are in: They were right. The Science

Part 1 of a 2-Part Series Anger is an emotion and many of us have issues with anger. It is also like a fire alarm – it’s loud and warns us to look for a fire. Often we feel angry, but don’t really know why. We just know that we are angry. I get angry at injustice, when I am afraid, or when I feel powerless. Anger can be a signal that tells us we are hurt, or that

Endings and Leavings | Part 4 of an 8-part series on the deeper Self that awakens in laboring through grief, living through loss, and embracing endings as the seedbed of new beginnings Psychologist and author Sheldon Cashdan notes that, as adults, we unconsciously attempt to manage and hold onto relationships in ways that “reverse the bad endings” of early childhood. However, our reversal efforts usually resist the deeper grief process. We cannot see or trust that endings come bearing

As I write, I am alone in my office, just a couple of days before Christmas. My adult children have come home from college and I wonder how I survived without their advice and opinions. Our usually quiet evenings have been replaced by sibling rivalry, holiday preparation, and abundant conversation. Now, don’t get me wrong, it is good to have them home and I am enjoying their company. But that wonderful and much-needed presence has again come for a

Endings and Leavings | Part 3 of a 8-part series on the deeper Self that awakens in laboring through grief, living through loss, and embracing endings as the seedbed of new beginnings. All good stories come to an end. What makes the story “good,” however, is not the saccharine, happily-ever-after ending. The Disney ending is different than the “denouement” of a truly good ending. This old French word denouement, literally untying or “loosening,” is how Christian author and psychologist