Kate Motaung

No one wakes up one morning and says, “Today, I’m going to destroy my marriage.” So why do people have affairs? The roots of infidelity are actually most often found in the defensive structures we build in response to childhood trauma. Let me show you what I mean. Imagine a young girl with a father who is distant, dictatorial, doesn’t come to recitals, and a mother who is only half-present, caught up in her own sorrows or preoccupations. Her

At the emotional root of every addiction is a good desire. We want to be seen, known, and loved well, and when it doesn’t happen, the pain can be intolerable. We want to be free of our stresses and free to enjoy life. Good desires. The problem with addiction is that it masquerades as a solution, masking our symptoms while our condition slowly worsens in the background. I once heard a pastor say, “Only dead things float down stream.”

Not too long ago I was working in my wood shop (actually, my garage pretending to be a wood shop). As I was cutting wood in preparation for a project, I noticed the cuts were splintered, the saw seemed louder, and the wood seemed to smell as if it were burning. Because I'm not the sharpest blade in the drawer, I finally got a clue as I realized the saw was working harder than it needed to, and of course this led to

We all experience periods of sadness from time to time but clinical depression is not just a passing mood – it is falling into a funk that refuses to go away. In this case, is coping with depression even possible? Symptoms of Depression Depressed people report having feelings of despair, helplessness, and hopelessness, and their depression tends to worsen when they attempt to shake it off. Their self-esteem suffers and their view of themselves is extremely negative. They lose interest

A couple of times over the years, I have seen scenes in movies where a mob boss slaps an underling and says something like, “Stop bleeding. It’s stupid.” As silly as this sounds, this is often the way we treat our younger emotional parts when they intrude on the present and make us feel vulnerable, usually bringing anxiety and anger along with them. When we feel weak or injured, it is easy to turn on ourselves with angry parental

So you have found someone to share your life with, congratulations! You love and complement each other so well, you have so much in common, there is no doubt in your mind this is the one. The big day is set, the invitations are sent, the gown is picked and the cake is taste tested. Multiple times. You’re ready. But then there’s the added wrinkle that your kids might not quite be on the same level of readiness as you.

There is a reason marriage traditionally takes place in a sacred place, in front of God, family and friends, and is celebrated in the community. The process of two flawed, amazingly complicated human beings joining together is incredibly complex, and married couples need encouragement and support to resist the forces that would tear them apart, both internal and external. No one reaches adulthood without suffering some sort of emotional harm. We bring whatever damage we have suffered into a

Spiritual Development Core Definition Many a theologian has offered a definition of spiritual development over the course of two millennia. Spiritual development can mean many things to many people in the secular and pluralistic environment we inhabit in our terrestrial world. Spiritual development, in essence, is to believe in something beyond the material universe and to develop an awareness of realities beyond the confines of time and space. What does spiritual development mean for the Christ follower? Acts 17:28

Part 2 of a Depression Biopsychosocial-Spiritual Perspective Series In my previous article, I took a look at the big “D” – depression, as it affects and is treated by means of biological and psychological mechanisms. In this article, I consider two more realms that are often overlooked when considering a person’s makeup. Depression Involves More than Just You Classically, psychology has been seen as the study of the individual, with a focus on the mind. As technology advanced, the

You've established certain leadership development goals – but why is it that some leaders who are rising to the top succeed and stay in their positions as executives, whereas others who were seen as promising candidates for the corner suite get fired, demoted, passed over, burn out, retire, are laid off, or quit? Surprisingly, the research shows that the median rate of eventual failure for managers is 50%. [1] Generally, books and articles on success tend to make the

Beginning therapy can be scary. So many things can arise in us that prevent us from even reaching out to start the process. In my experience, and as I have reflected on it in retrospect, much of this fear is grounded in not knowing what will become of me: What will I have to give up, how will I live without those things, and what will remain? The things referred to are parts of who we are, the ideas

If you have had a panic attack, you already know how upsetting it can be. The symptoms are very distressing. They include, but are not limited to, chest pains, a racing or pounding heart, feeling faint, weak, or dizzy, having difficulty taking a deep breath or rapid breathing, feeling sweaty or having chills, and a sense of impending doom or terror. Some victims of panic attacks say that they feel as if they are having a heart attack. When experiencing these