Kate Motaung

It’s the air.  Proposals and engagement parties, both are the makings of soon to be wedding plans. So many things to do and so little time.  There are halls to book and wedding dresses to consider.  In the 22 years of supporting couples as they prepare for marriage, I have learned a few things.  Through my next two articles, I will explore the basic “dos and don’ts” couples should consider before saying, “I do”.  Most of them should not be surprising,

Pornography is a deeply painful reality. In my experience as a Christian counselor, I have rarely seen a phenomenon that is as destructive to the life of an individual or a marriage as pornography. I have heard countless stories from men describing the immense misery, shame and guilt that their pornography use results in. These men generally know how destructive pornography viewing is. Yet they often struggle to put a stop to such patterns, especially when they reach the level of

A central part of my clinical work involves providing treatment for men who struggle with the painful emotional and relational effects of pornography addiction. At their core, these men want to be successful in life. They want to be sexually pure and emotionally healthy, and they long to have strong marriages. Yet they have become caught up in a pervasive global phenomenon that continues to impact the lives of millions of men every day, and ultimately prevents them from achieving

I work with a lot of married couples as a Marriage and Family Therapist. As I witness my clients seeking to work through conflict, mend the breaches in their relationships, and remain emotionally connected, I am constantly on the lookout for what spouses find most meaningful in helping them to overcome their difficulties and strengthen their relationships. Core Needs in a Marriage When I break down much of what I hear married couples saying in a counselling session, it becomes apparent

It  has been put on my heart to address something I have encountered a lot in my practice recently. Whether clients originally reached out for counseling due to feelings of anxiety, depression, or struggles in a relationship, the common thread I have found is a battle with worthiness. An inability to see or accept one’s own worthiness can lead to anxiety and a lack of peace. My personal and professional exploration into the battle with worthiness began when reading Brené

We all experience times of stress, worry and anxiety. A change in jobs, a move to a new city, the arrival of a new family member, or any other life transition can raise concerns and fears about how we will cope with the future. In my work as a counselor I see anxiety manifest itself physically, emotionally, spiritually and relationally. When anxiety becomes all-consuming it can affect every area of our lives. Signs of Anxiety Disorder Many people wonder whether their anxiety

Many people talk about Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and may even diagnose it in others without truly understanding what it entails. OCD is a disorder that can have chronic consequences for those who suffer from it. In order to avoid the deteriorating consequences that OCD brings, it is most important  to accurately identify the disorder and to seek help. This article will provide a Christian psychologist’s perspective on this disorder, and will give some helpful hints for identifying OCD and seeking

Where do we go when we are faced with tough questions about our faith? Who can we turn to when we need to make sense of what God is doing in our lives? How do we go about making decisions for the future? This article is the first in a two-part series in which I outline a systematic approach to finding out what God may be saying to you, based on my experience as a Christian counselor. Recognize That You

Living a Christian life is challenging and we sometimes face tough questions about our faith. We may have questions about what God is doing in our lives, or we may need help as we make decisions about the future. Where do we turn for such guidance as we seek to do God’s will? In my previous article, I outlined a systematic approach to finding out what God may be saying to you based on my experience as a Christian counselor. I

Coping with the loss of a close friend or family member may be one of the hardest challenges that many of you will face. When you lose a spouse, parent, sibling or child, your grief can be particularly intense. Grief and loss is a normal and natural part of life, but knowing that doesn’t remove the shock, confusion, sadness and depression. The sadness typically diminishes in intensity as time passes, but grieving is an important process that enables us to work through our

Talking and listening is fundamental to any relationship. It sounds simple to say that a conversation involves both speaking and listening, but all-too-often our conversations involve a form of competition as we seek the power that comes through speaking. We have learnt how to speak, but we have not necessarily learnt how to listen. Yet we all need to be heard and understood and there is nothing more hurtful than realizing that the people close to

Talking and listening involves a unique relationship in which two people are constantly switching roles. In any conversation the speaker and the listener are jockeying for position, with the needs of one competing with the needs of the other. If you doubt this, try sharing a personal problem with someone and see how long it takes for them to interrupt you – either with one of their own problems, or in order to share a similar story or to offer