Kate Motaung

References “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend One of the marks of true faith is generosity. Every believer knows the story of the widow who put all she had into the offering plate. But how do we tell the difference between generosity and obligation? When is it OK not to give? In their book, “Boundaries” Cloud and Townsend draw a distinction between benevolence and obligation. The difference between love and fear Too many Christians give out

References “The New Codependency” by Melody Beattie Saying “no” to loved ones can be hard. You might feel as if you are being selfish when you second-guess whether their request is reasonable. This goes double if you are dealing with a manipulator. The New Testament describes manipulators in Matthew 7. Just because someone claims to have your best interests at heart, does not mean they do. Jesus warned against wolves in sheep’s clothing. He said we would be able

I discussed how codependent people can begin a journey towards healing. Codependency is a "relationship addiction" in which people become so preoccupied with their partners that they neglect themselves. If you suffer from codependency, you might feel that it is impossible for you to be happy outside of a particular relationship. However, there is hope for codependent people. Beginning the journey of healing involves recognizing your codependent patterns, making a commitment to invest in your own healing, understanding where

In my previous article, I introduced the concept of the reflected self. People with a reflected self look outside of themselves to find their identity and worth. They look to others to reflect back what they are to believe about themselves, expecting other people's behaviors, feelings and words to mirror their inner selves. The reflected self is constantly looking for signs of acceptance or rejection. Such people often feel controlled by others, and mask their genuine self in order to

Do you feel insecure  or suffer from persistent self-doubt? Are your feelings about yourself dependent on how people respond to you? Do you ever feel confused about who you are? Do you feel sure about yourself one day, but then unsure the next day? Perhaps you sometimes look in the mirror and ask yourself, “Who is that person?” You may find it difficult to describe yourself to others or stand up for yourself in relationships. Do you expect others

Narrative Therapy is a “brand” of psychological counseling that has developed in the last decade and that is sometimes described as “Telling Your Story.” In my previous article, I introduced Narrative Therapy and described some of what a counselor using this approach does with a client. In this article, I look at how Narrative Therapy fits in with the God’s Grand Story. Seeing Your Life in the Context of God’s Grand Story Let us consider the similarities between the Narrative

Narrative Therapy is a “brand” of psychological counseling developed in the last decade.  There are descriptive metaphors for therapies that give a visual shortcut of the main characteristics; CBT (Cognitive-Behavior Therapy) is likened to “fixing the broken machine,” and psychodynamic therapy is like “peeling the onion.” Narrative Therapy’s metaphor is “Telling Your Story.” So what is therapeutic about telling your story? Don’t you already know what has happened to you? Of course you do, and you may feel totally

What makes me as a Christian counselor different from a counselor who does not profess the Christian faith? Is it the person of the counselor, or the techniques used? Is it because I am familiar with the Bible and can and apply relevant Bible verses to a client’s situation, being able to match Biblical teaching with the topics that my client is concerned about? Or does being a Christian mean that I know the “right” steps to use? In

Those of you who have had a baby know how overwhelmingly difficult it can be . The reality of having a baby, and the physical, emotional, and relationship changes that it brings, impact women in enormous ways. With all of these changes, many women never expect to experience Postpartum Depression (PPD). Yet one in five women will develop PPD sometime in their life. People need to understand that Postpartum Depression is a real and treatable medical illness, not a mental defect

And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (Colossians 3:14) Love. The word was printed on the cover of my wedding invitations, yet only years later did I realize that I had no idea what love really was. After getting married, the euphoric feelings slowly faded and love somehow became difficult, awkward and just plain inconvenient. Frustrated and looking for answers, I read Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages and realized that, although

When working with individuals I often find that people would appreciate the support and participation of their partner in counseling, yet the partner is reluctant to participate in counseling. This article is based on a book by Mark S. Komrad and will help by giving you practical ideas to assist you in encouraging your spouse to take part in couples counseling. It is important to remember that timing is everything. Choosing the Right Moment Ecclesiastes 3:1 states, “to everything there is

An important aspect of psychological well-being is living in accordance with your own beliefs and values. Often problems such as relationship stress, low self-esteem, behavioral problems, and mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety, are strongly rooted in a lack of congruency between our beliefs and values and how we actually live. What is Congruent Living? Congruence means conformity or agreement. To live in congruence with your beliefs and values means that your lifestyle choices, day-to-day activities, conversation and