Kate Motaung

Addictions are powerful forces that many of us experience in one form or another. We struggle to break free from them, often with little success. We tend to think that we can overcome addictions simply by changing our behavior, only to discover that it doesn’t work like that. We honestly think that we should be able to do something if we put our minds to it, but it doesn’t take us long to discover that life is not so

When you’re the parent of a teen who struggles with body image, the saying that “knowledge is power” can be radically true when it comes to getting your teen appropriate help. I talked through the defining features and warning signs of the three most well-known eating disorders: Anorexia, Bulimia, and Binge-Eating Disorder. In this post, I want to focus on a body-image disorder that is less talked about, yet incredibly important for parents of teens to be aware of, namely

One of the hardest parts of recovering from an eating disorder is learning what to do with the constant “Ed” thoughts that stream through your mind anytime you’re anywhere. For those of you who haven’t heard of “Ed” before, this is simply a shorthand way that some people find helpful to refer to their Eating Disorder (E.D.). And for anyone who has ever met Ed personally, you understand the feeling of having your thoughts dominated by an unwelcome, critical,

When I sit down to talk with the parents of a teen who is struggling with an eating disorder, one of the first questions that comes up is “Who’s to blame?” Faced with this question, many parents wonder what they did wrong that caused their child to resort to such behaviors. And then there is also the less-talked-about but equally common response, where parents find themselves becoming angry at their teen for “choosing” such behavior. So we need to

References “Wired for Intimacy” by William M. Struthers and “Out of the Shadows” by Patrick Carnes All people long to bond with others. We want someone to share in our joys and support us in our sorrows. As Romantic pianist and composer Frederic Chopin said, “It is dreadful when something weighs on your mind, not to have a soul to unburden yourself to. You know what I mean. I tell my piano the things I used to tell you.”

References “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend One of the marks of true faith is generosity. Every believer knows the story of the widow who put all she had into the offering plate. But how do we tell the difference between generosity and obligation? When is it OK not to give? In their book, “Boundaries” Cloud and Townsend draw a distinction between benevolence and obligation. The difference between love and fear Too many Christians give out

References “The New Codependency” by Melody Beattie Saying “no” to loved ones can be hard. You might feel as if you are being selfish when you second-guess whether their request is reasonable. This goes double if you are dealing with a manipulator. The New Testament describes manipulators in Matthew 7. Just because someone claims to have your best interests at heart, does not mean they do. Jesus warned against wolves in sheep’s clothing. He said we would be able

I discussed how codependent people can begin a journey towards healing. Codependency is a "relationship addiction" in which people become so preoccupied with their partners that they neglect themselves. If you suffer from codependency, you might feel that it is impossible for you to be happy outside of a particular relationship. However, there is hope for codependent people. Beginning the journey of healing involves recognizing your codependent patterns, making a commitment to invest in your own healing, understanding where

In my previous article, I introduced the concept of the reflected self. People with a reflected self look outside of themselves to find their identity and worth. They look to others to reflect back what they are to believe about themselves, expecting other people's behaviors, feelings and words to mirror their inner selves. The reflected self is constantly looking for signs of acceptance or rejection. Such people often feel controlled by others, and mask their genuine self in order to

Do you feel insecure  or suffer from persistent self-doubt? Are your feelings about yourself dependent on how people respond to you? Do you ever feel confused about who you are? Do you feel sure about yourself one day, but then unsure the next day? Perhaps you sometimes look in the mirror and ask yourself, “Who is that person?” You may find it difficult to describe yourself to others or stand up for yourself in relationships. Do you expect others

Narrative Therapy is a “brand” of psychological counseling that has developed in the last decade and that is sometimes described as “Telling Your Story.” In my previous article, I introduced Narrative Therapy and described some of what a counselor using this approach does with a client. In this article, I look at how Narrative Therapy fits in with the God’s Grand Story. Seeing Your Life in the Context of God’s Grand Story Let us consider the similarities between the Narrative

Narrative Therapy is a “brand” of psychological counseling developed in the last decade.  There are descriptive metaphors for therapies that give a visual shortcut of the main characteristics; CBT (Cognitive-Behavior Therapy) is likened to “fixing the broken machine,” and psychodynamic therapy is like “peeling the onion.” Narrative Therapy’s metaphor is “Telling Your Story.” So what is therapeutic about telling your story? Don’t you already know what has happened to you? Of course you do, and you may feel totally