Kate Motaung

Part 1 of a 2-Part Series Anger is an emotion and many of us have issues with anger. It is also like a fire alarm – it’s loud and warns us to look for a fire. Often we feel angry, but don’t really know why. We just know that we are angry. I get angry at injustice, when I am afraid, or when I feel powerless. Anger can be a signal that tells us we are hurt, or that

Endings and Leavings | Part 4 of an 8-part series on the deeper Self that awakens in laboring through grief, living through loss, and embracing endings as the seedbed of new beginnings Psychologist and author Sheldon Cashdan notes that, as adults, we unconsciously attempt to manage and hold onto relationships in ways that “reverse the bad endings” of early childhood. However, our reversal efforts usually resist the deeper grief process. We cannot see or trust that endings come bearing

As I write, I am alone in my office, just a couple of days before Christmas. My adult children have come home from college and I wonder how I survived without their advice and opinions. Our usually quiet evenings have been replaced by sibling rivalry, holiday preparation, and abundant conversation. Now, don’t get me wrong, it is good to have them home and I am enjoying their company. But that wonderful and much-needed presence has again come for a

Endings and Leavings | Part 3 of a 8-part series on the deeper Self that awakens in laboring through grief, living through loss, and embracing endings as the seedbed of new beginnings. All good stories come to an end. What makes the story “good,” however, is not the saccharine, happily-ever-after ending. The Disney ending is different than the “denouement” of a truly good ending. This old French word denouement, literally untying or “loosening,” is how Christian author and psychologist

Endings and Leavings | Part 2 of a 8-part series on the deeper Self that awakens in laboring through grief, living through loss, and embracing endings as the seedbed of new beginnings. “The past is never dead. It’s not even past.”  (William Faulkner) Perhaps the most confusing part of “endings” is how they can leave us feeling both stuck and uprooted – often at the same time. It is the earthquake-like nature of many endings, which are often complicated

Part 1 of a 8-part series on the deeper Self that awakens in laboring through grief, living through loss, and embracing endings as the seedbed of new beginnings. The following articles will be published at a later date. Part 2:  Unresolved Grief, Liminal Loss and Memory: Relocating the Past Instead of Re-living It Part 3: Coping With Grief and ‘Coming Home’: Bearing Loss, Beautifying Scars Part 4: How We Sabotage the Grief Process: the Call to Grieve, Celebrate and

In my previous article, I discussed the importance of the thoughts we tell ourselves. Often the “truths” that we repeat to ourselves are not true at all, yet they can have a profound impact on our lives. In this context, Dr. Daniel Amen coined the term ANTs – Automatic Negative Thoughts. In this article, I outline his list of nine ANTs that we may sometimes struggle with thinking. ANT #1: All or Nothing Thinking This is thinking in which

When I was younger, I lived in snow country. It snowed in the winter and we drove on snowy roads until it melted in April and May. As a teen, my father took me to an empty parking lot covered in snow and taught me how to handle the car, first by instructing me and then letting me test it out. To this day, if I drive in winter conditions, I rehearse several truths about driving: Turn into the

The Effects of Chronically Ill Children on Marriage, Part 3 The effects of a chronically ill child on marital satisfaction have been studied by a number of researchers, with some studies indicating overwhelmingly negative reactions. In my previous articles, I have discussed some of the ways in which couples, together with their families, are coping with the stress, role assignments, perception, and depression related to the care of an ill child. Unresolved, untreated, or unrecognized marital problems and/or depression

The Effects of Chronically Ill Children on Marriage, Part 2 A number of studies have investigated the effects of a chronically ill child on marital satisfaction, with some indicating overwhelmingly negative reactions. In my previous article, I discussed some of the ways in which couples, together with their families, can cope with the stress, role assignments, perceptions, and depression related to the care of an ill child. In this article, I continue the discussion by looking at how caring

Part 1 in a 3-Part Series Chronically Ill Children and Marriage A number of studies have investigated the effects of a chronically ill child on marital satisfaction, with some indicating overwhelmingly negative reactions. In this article, I address some ways in which couples, together with their families, can cope with the stress, role assignments, perceptions, and depression related to the care of an ill child. The Exposure of Underlying Marital Problems Unresolved, untreated, or unrecognized marital problems and/or depression

How we view ourselves can have an important influence on our well-being. Research studies into low self-esteem (LSE) and high self-esteem (HSE) have been conducted in order to investigate how people with low and high self-esteem respond and what impact this has on their lives. In this article, I discuss some of the conclusions that are drawn by these studies. Emotional Responses in Individuals with Low Self-Esteem Some individuals with LSE have been shown to experience aggression and hostility