Kate Motaung

Part 4 of a 4-Part Series: Porn and Power The first three parts of this series made some key observations about pornography: Healing requires more than cognitive (changing thoughts) or behavioral (changing lifestyle) approaches, although both are important. A man’s sexuality and shame are deeply rooted in narrative, in long-buried stories of emasculating loss that drive men to seek relief and power in porn’s degrading “pseudo-story.” The pseudo-connection and risk-free predictability of pornography promises to override a man’s fear of

First Article Forgiveness Positive Psychology Series Forgiveness is generally regarded as a virtue, and most people consider it a command. But we rarely consider forgiveness as an act of personal health. In this article, I introduce a new series on forgiveness, and show how science has found forgiveness to be important to our health and well-being. Wounds are Deep Hurts that Need to be Healed The fact is that we do wrong to others. All human beings occasionally –

Trust is a binding force in any intimate relationship and must be present in order for love to occur. Even when someone loves you deeply, they can break your trust and leave you shattered and dismayed. Trust builds slowly, but can be lost in a moment. At some time or another, we all experience some uncertainty about who we should trust, how much to trust, when not to trust, and so on. In fact, every day we make choices

Porn and Power: A Christian Counselor Explains Part 3 of a 4-Part Series  I’ve positioned the solution-oriented parts of this series (Parts 3 and 4) at the end – on purpose. Because waiting, and holding the tension of waiting, is critical to healing soul, body, and brain. Many guys are already prone to a quick “fix-it” persona that conveniently bypasses the need for a deeper, more disciplined attentiveness to their inner life, to the emotional core Self. As men,

Porn and Power: A Christian Counselor Explains Part 2 of a 4-Part Series  The late psychoanalyst and author Erwin Singer observed how “active striving” or searching in life is essential for psychological survival – but the only action that carries with it the risk of significant loss and failure. Man’s undoing is not failure itself, Singer argued. Failure is inevitable and vital to the creative process. Failure spurs growth and discovery. The tragedy, Singer said, is when the threat of

What is Generalized Anxiety Disorder? All of us worry about things like health, money, or family problems. But people with generalized anxiety disorder, or GAD, are extremely worried about these or other things, even when it seems there is no reason to worry. This is a type of worry that disrupts your life most days. Many people with GAD have physical symptoms that can include headaches and being tired all of the time. Anyone can be diagnosed with generalized

Part 1 of a 4-Part Series Men struggling with pornography often arrive for counseling with two basic fears: First, that pornography is threatening to take over their lives, if it hasn’t already. Second, that they are going to be shamed for their character, then instructed simply to read their Bible and pray more. Another simplistic but common treatment approach is to focus on the act itself and corresponding behaviors, thoughts, and feelings. Steps are formulated to identify cognitive-behavioral triggers

Sexual addiction is the inability to stop sexual behavior, even when it damages your life. It involves engaging in excessive sexual fantasies and urges in response to anxiety, depression, or stressful life situations. Sexual addiction is characterized by repetitive but unsuccessful attempts to control or significantly curtail these fantasies, urges, and behaviors. Engaging in sexual behavior without regard for the risk of emotional or physical harm to yourself or others is another hallmark of sexual addiction. This article is

The Bible instructs us “to be anxious for nothing,” but that is easier said than done. In our high-tech, high-speed world, we are forced to run faster and faster just to keep up. Countless magazines and Internet sites provide us with ways to deal with the urgency we feel to get it all done. They offer meditation, yoga, and breathing exercises as ways to relax, in addition to unplugging and turning off. Women are told that they can have it all –

There are a number of things that differentiate Christian counseling from traditional secular psychotherapy – and foremost among them is prayer. Prayer, in the Christian context, is uniquely suited to Christian counseling. The reason I say this is because in a sense prayer and Christian counseling both derive their power and influence from the same source – namely, a relationship. Is Prayer Really Powerful? If you come from a Christian background, and perhaps even if you don’t, you will

When people ask me about the Christian marriage counseling that I offer couples in my practice, they want to know what works. The truth is that Christian marriage counseling, perhaps more so than individual counseling, needs to work. Of course, all therapy needs to work and needs to be of the same high quality and caliber, but there is nevertheless a difference with marriage counseling. Important as it may be to have highly qualified counseling, the reality is that, aside

Christian Counseling vs Secular Counseling Okay, so the title may be better stated as: “Why does psychology sometimes fail where Christian counseling would succeed?” The truth is that psychology  ?  in the sense of professional psychotherapy  ?  does work. And yet, sometimes it fails. This leaves us with the question: Why does secular counseling work for some and not for others? What is the difference between Person A, who has an addiction, gets counseling, and stops, and Person B