Do you struggle to build satisfying connections with others? Are you unhappy in your friendships, or isolated from your coworkers? Is it difficult for you to trust others? All of us long for fulfilling relationships, but building and maintaining healthy, successful relationships can be difficult—and if you are struggling, you’re not alone. We all face relational issues at some point in our lives. Fortunately, you can always take steps to overcome these issues: learning to negotiate relationships is an acquired skill, and we are here to help.
Some of the most common signs of a problem relationship include: selfishness, insecurity, distrust, negativity, chronic misunderstanding, jealousy, and passive-aggressive behavior. Usually a problem relationship lacks reciprocity, meaning that one person will give more to the relationship than the other. The best measure of relational health is whether both persons involved are happy when they spend time with the other. Ultimately, a problem relationship leaves one or both persons feeling depleted and discontent. If you are stuck in a bad relationship, seek help today.
Successful relationships are founded on a mutual exchange of care, honesty, trust, and respect. In any relationship, conflict is inevitable, and learning to forgive and mend a damaged or broken relationship is an important part of life. The stress of a broken relationship can be debilitating, but if both parties are committed, healing is possible. At Mill Creek Christian Counseling, we have seen many wounded relationships restored, and our counselors are passionate about helping you discover relational healing.
Many attitudes can help you build your relationship into something mutually satisfying. One major key is—you each really must to start with yourself. Do you speak encouraging words? Are you friendly? Do you practice love and seek peace in all situations? Often we do not see how our words and actions affect others. These things can add to or take from your connection with your loved ones. At Mill Creek Christian Counseling, our counselors are trained to help you work through such relationship issues. Whether you are struggling with a particular relationship or simply want general advice about improving your interpersonal skills, we are here to offer support, encouragement, and guidance. Don’t hesitate–call us today to discover how you can develop lasting, meaningful relationships in your life!
Common Signs of Codependency: What Should You Look For?
By Maryann Stigen,
Posted March 27th, 2019
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Typically, the first sign that indicates a need for me to investigate possible codependency with a client, is when they introduce themselves to me and describe themselves as “a people pleaser.”
As we continue, I tend to find out that these people have very poor boundaries within their interpersonal relationships.
One of the most prominent researchers into codependency, Melody Beattie, describes codependency like this:
“A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.” – Codependent No More, 1992 ed.
Have I lost you with that definition? Stick around and we will elaborate on it later within this article.
Another well known researcher in the area of codependency, Pia Mellody, states that codependents have difficulty in the following areas:
Experiencing inappropriate levels of self-esteem
Setting functional boundaries
Owning and expressing their own reality
Taking care of their adult needs and wants
Experiencing and expressing their reality moderately
Concerning number one above, Mellody goes on to say that “if codependents have any kind of esteem, it is not self-esteem but other-esteem; which is based on external things such as how one looks, how much money they make, who they know, what kind of car they drive, what kind of job they have, how well their children perform, how powerful and important or attractive their spouse is, the degrees they have earned, how well they perform at activities in which others value, etc” (Facing Codependence, p.
How to Speak the Truth in Love Within Your Marriage
By Matthew Antolick,
Posted March 21st, 2019
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Learning how to speak the truth in love isn’t always easy. I can think of many times I’ve sold out truth for the sake “love,” or the other way around. That is, I’ve spoken the truth, but not in a very loving way. They needed to hear it after all, and I’m not afraid to speak the truth. Someone has to do it.
So I tell my wife what I think about how she’s handling the stress of getting ready for having people over. I tell her how to fix it. “Just stop worrying, trust Jesus.” It’s the truth! It’s a solution to a problem! And it makes things worse. I remembered to speak the “truth,” but I forgot to be loving.
Or, maybe I see something that is true – I see my spouse struggling and it looks like I may have a solution, or a way of helping. But it didn’t go well the last time I tried to jump in and say something. So instead of taking a risk, I don’t say anything.
Maybe it works out okay. Maybe tension mounts inside of me, until I say it in an unloving way. Or maybe I just believe that you don’t upset the people you love, so I just keep it to myself. I take, for the moment, the easy path.
It is easy to sell out being truthful for the sake of being “loving.” It is also easy to sell out being
Marriage 101: Advice from a Christian Marriage Counselor
By Dr Gary Bell,
Posted January 18th, 2019
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Marriage, when it is not working, can be the loneliest place in the world. The covenant of marriage requires us to love, honor, trust and cherish. If we don’t do that, then we have no foundation to stand on. Every argument we ever have is a trust issue. When we violate trust, to any degree, then we are telling our partner that our love is not important and they are not important.
You can love someone and not trust them, but when you trust, the love will always follow. In Christian marriage counseling, we work on trust. There is nothing we can do about love because it is an emotion.
The safety of hearing each other and validating each others perceptions does not require agreement. It is a true act of love. It gives us a place to work through the tough issues with empathy and respect. No secrets are needed when both parties are safe to hear each other and validate (“I understand,” “I hear what you are saying,” “What you’re saying is…”).
Men’s Needs Versus Women’s Needs
In general terms, men and women have different fundamental needs.
Women fundamentally take the temperature on the marriage based on how much they feel “cherished.” Cherished means: “She is my best friend,” “I don’t know what I would do without her,” “I’m so lucky to have her.” When women don’t feel cherished, they begin to wonder who you are cherishing. They also feel a violation of trust,