Some women live their adult lives carrying deep emotional wounds inflicted by their mothers during childhood. At times, this burden can result in depression if not dealt with properly. In this article, I will share some suggestions for working through your "mother wound" as an adult daughter.
The Truth About You
You deserved to be loved.
Your mother didn’t or couldn’t give you the warmth, safety, support, or feeling of being cherished that you needed so much.
Mothers influence our beliefs about ourselves in a foundational way. Who she “says” we are becomes who we say we are. We might be amazing, stupid, special, capable, clumsy, selfish -- just because she said so.
Negative feedback creates pain in us. We may tak... ...Read More
As we seek to understand our own grief process, this article will draw from the resource, Understanding Your Grief, by Alan Wolfelt to outline ten essential touchstones.
Touchstone One: Open to the Presence of Your Loss
“You have probably been taught that pain is an indication that something is wrong and that you should find ways to alleviate the pain.
In our culture, pain and feelings of loss are experiences most people try to avoid. Why? Because the role of pain and suffering is misunderstood. Normal thoughts and feelings after a loss are often seen as unnecessary and inappropriate.”
“You will learn over time that the pain of your grief will keep trying to get your attention until you have the courage to g... ...Read More
Many successful and joyful people have worked with dedication and responsibility on their life’s work, only to find that along the way somewhere, they have lost their love of life.
The opposite of play is not work – the opposite of play is depression. Over the long haul, when these spice-of-life elements of play are missing, what is left is a dulled soul.
Play and work are mutually supportive. Neither one can survive without the other. We need newness of play, its sense of flow, and being in the moment. We need the sense of discovery and liveliness that it provides. We also need the purpose of work, the economic stability it offers, the sense that we are doing service for others, that we are needed and integrated into our world.
... ...Read More
Not all blended families are alike. Some have young children; others, teenagers or young adults. Some are the result of divorce, while others come after the death of a spouse. However, there is one thing every step family has in common: family members have a history that involved at least one other parent and spouse. Memories of the past may be pleasant or painful, but those memories do influence attitudes and emotions.
Challenges for blended families include:
- Achieving marital intimacy after being hurt
- Parenting and step-parenting roles and rules
- Questions of spiritual integrity and church involvement
- How to integrate the members of a stepfamily over time
- Dealing w...
This article references the book, Mending a Shattered Heart, edited by Stefanie Carnes
Finding out your partner has been unfaithful is devastating. If the behavior proves to be the result of a sexual addiction, there can be even more overwhelming feelings of shame, confusion, loss, and pain; sometimes there are symptoms of PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), such as hypervigilance and intrusive thinking.
Sex Addiction Criteria
Following are ten key criteria for sex addiction. If someone meets three or more of these ten criteria, he or she would be considered a sex addict. These criteria need to be present over a prolonged period of time (e.g., six months) and not be part of a major mood swing, such as in b... ...Read More
This article on help for sexual addition references the book, Ready to Heal, by Kelly McDaniel.
Love and sex addiction is a double bind. If we seek a relationship, which we are all designed to do, we will experience pain. If we then avoid relationships, which seems logical when we’ve been hurt, we will also experience pain – usually the pain of being isolated. When we are lacking healthy role models in our formative years, we may arrive at adulthood without the tools to navigate pain.
With repeated betrayal in relationships, we may end up with some of these feelings:
- I am not at “ease” or at peace.
- I rarely know a moment of comfort in solitude.
- I have difficulty being alone or still.<...
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, depression effects on women may include the following:
- Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
- Fatigue and decreased energy
- Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
- Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
- Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
- Irritability, restlessness
- Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
- Overeating or appetite loss
- Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
- Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feeli...